Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Pouring Hot WAX on my Vagina


Okay, I figured a title like that would get people's attention. I’ll admit that it wasn’t really hot wax on my vagina, it was on my labia.

Let me back up:

(Please note that it's required that you put both hands up to your head gesticulating the "quotes" around certain words with your fingers as you read this.)

Prior to leaving for my "vacation" to Burning Man, I "treated" myself to a Brazilian wax.

I wasn't quite sure what a Brazilian wax meant, but I did know women swore by them and men drooled at them. Did it mean my pubic area would be left completely bare like a twelve year old girl? (That would be a little embarrassing.) Did it require anesthesia? How exactly did the waxer get all-the-way in “there”? Will I scream? Will it feel strangely erotic?

I had bikini waxes before and loved them, so I figured it couldn't be that different. I was about to leave for Burning Man and would be prancing around in 120 degree heat half naked, dehydrated, and tired while worrying about my make-up and which pair of fishnets to wear. The last thing I needed to be concerned about was shaving my pubes, so the wax would eliminate part of my overall “vacation” maintenance.

A few things I learned fast about a Brazilian Wax:

  • It hurt like a mother fucker. I let out a pretty hefty yelp at least twice.
  • And yes the waxer had my legs open, fidgeted with my labia, ripped my pubic hair from the corners of every available space on my "privates” and even asked me to sit up doggie style, while she made sure all the surface area was completely "handled" correctly.
  • I was able to keep some hair. As opposed to an entire bare look. I chose the small “triangle of love,” versus the “landing strip of love.”
  • My skin was swollen, red, and burning directly after the waxing. I was instructed to take ibuprofen and put arnica gel or cortaid on my suddenly prickly-pubic- chicken skin to reduce the initial swelling.
  • BUT..... it felt totally great after about 24 hours! The smoothness of my own skin "down there" was titillating to say the least. I couldn't believe that it could be so soft.
  • And yes, I found out a few days later that it increased sensitivity in all the right places at all the right times, which made up for any pain or discomfort that I experienced.

A Brief History of the “Brazilian” :

The Brazilian wax was introduced to New Yorkers in 1987 when seven Brazilian sisters, Jocely, Jonice, Joyce, Janea, Jussara, Juracy, and Judseia Padilha opened J. Sisters International Salon in midtown Manhattan. They swore by it’s effectiveness in many aspect: bikinis had gotten skimpier, husbands were suddenly eager to please their wives, and since the hair doesn’t grow back for a month, it was easy to maintain.

A few important things to know about a Good Brazilian:

  • Some waxers refuse to do this kind of wax since it is highly personal. The best way to find a good waxer is word of mouth and Jane Cowan in Portland is by far the best Brazilian waxer in Portland, Oregon and one of the best on the west coast. She has clients that visit her from all over the world when they are in the vicinity.
  • Your waxer will know you as personally as, well, your lover or gynecologist. So it’s best to just pretend it’s the most normal thing you’ve ever done and laugh it off. Jane will make you feel totally comfortable!
  • Do NOT expect it to be easy. It hurts and that’s the bottom line. No pain, no gain.
(Please Note, Jane Cowan’s website is undergoing maintenance and her contact info may not be current. However, the intro to her website is super cute and worth the click. She can be reached at mommyminx@hotmail.com or 503-481-3964 and is located at 909 North Beech Street, Suite 204.)